FATHER'S DAY
Trigger warning. This piece is rough. Plus there’s profanity. It’s about Father’s Day.
FATHER’S DAY
You aren’t perfect. You never were.
Today I will not point out flaws and imperfections, failures and disappointments.
Today I will not engage in wistful, self-deluding nostalgia,
Misguided though well-intentioned.
I love you, ‘Pa.
I act like I don’t.
I play the victim.
I direct unjustified rage at you.
I ignore your calls.
I let weeks go by without checking in on you.
I think of you every day but let you think I don’t.
Many will declare
“I would not be the man I am today without my father”
On this day,
Not fully aware of its implications or cliche’d nature,
But it is true.
You proved that losing your education
Before your age hit double-digits
Don’t mean shit.
You taught me that it’s possible to fight
Claw
Bite
Scrap
your way out of hell and never look back.
You taught me that the barrio
Can be a fucked-up place,
And sometimes
There ain’t room for survivor’s remorse.
You taught me that life
Can be a fucking war,
And you might be dropped behind enemy lines
With jack-shit for a weapon,
Alone,
Facing unrelenting and unforgiving slaughter,
And sometimes
Survival at any cost is the only option.
You taught me to demand a place at the table,
Even if all they do
Is throw you scraps,
In some back room,
Like a dog,
Not even looked at or acknowledged,
Returning every day
To demand and expect that seat.
You taught me that anger is ammunition
that rage
Is an indisposable weapon,
And that belief in yourself
Must be delusional,
Over-inflated
Irrational
Larger than your small frame,
Unapologetic, unaccommodating, and uncompromising.
You taught me to wear survival like a medal,
That sometimes,
All you can do
Is outlast a mutherfucker.
Taught me to burn like a raging wildfire,
Too powerful to be destroyed,
Only to be avoided and contained,
And if anyone gets in your path,
Fuck ‘em,
They’re gonna get burned.
You taught me to always reach slightly beyond
Your limits
As you see them
As they see them
And show a defiant middle finger
To anyone who puts up walls
Or talks down to you.
You raised a fighter.
A battle-hardened warrior.
A soldier who pushes past fear
And has learned to say,
You don’t like it,
Fuck you.
Any fight that i have in me
I got from you.
gm 6.8.17